A friend asked me how the blog was going today and unfortunately for the first time I couldn't respond "GREAT." When God gave me this vision of Church Girl Diaries I promised myself that I would be the most transparent I had ever been. I wanted this blog to tell a story, I wanted to be transparent and relatable. If I am keeping that promise I must share with you all; my loved ones, how much of a difficult space I have been in lately.
Have you ever felt stuck?
Everything around you was moving at an incredible speed, but you were frozen in time? We've all heard the idiom” stuck between a rock and a hard place," I feel like I've been rudely introduced into a season of complete discomfort since accepting my purpose here. I haven't posted like I'd imagined I would, weekly. I've had so many ideas on what kind of content to release, about prayer, motherhood and dead friendships but my ink ran dry. I couldn't hear the voice of God for direction because my life was full of distraction and consumed with unnecessary emotion. If I have learned anything about God, I have learned how jealous He is for US. He loves and expects commitment from us. When we become busy we don't realize how much of an idol our time spent on things outside of Him has become. Deafness to His voice is a direct consequence of busyness, it takes us away from prayer, worship and quiet time with Him. We don't realize how awful it sounds to say through our actions that we were just too busy that day to pray and to worship our Father. Through the ruble of my life's most recent catastrophe I am thankful for the glimmer of wisdom that reminds me, that He is always here and He is awaiting my call upon Him. Even when I am imprisoned by my thoughts He is most gracious and He sends me exactly what I need to see me through that storm. Today He came in the form of my new friend who encouraged me to just PUSH. I know that PUSH requires some much-needed alone time with Him away from my own thoughts, not just on today but EVERYDAY. A relationship with Him requires consistency. I know that PUSH requires me to trust whatever He has for my next steps, even if I don't understand them. I am forced to admit that time away from God is dangerous, it allows loop holes for the enemy to come into your life and wreak havoc, he will tell you lies, distract and confuse you. However, the biggest danger yet is the loss of hearing, and unfamiliarity of the voice of God. Can you hear Him? Is your life so cluttered and ill prioritized that you are forgetting to give Him the time that He asks of us? I can only speak for myself when I say that guilt is heavy on my heart, the giver and sustainer of life only asks for so little compared to what He's given to us. Maybe you are like me, neglecting your purpose in times when you feel overwhelmed. Busy to the point of destruction and missing out on time with our God. It is only fair that I pass that PUSH on to you, dear ones. Time with HIM, is like locking the deadbolt, you, your thoughts and your purpose are protected. You can hear the voice of God, you are directed because your steps are ORDERED. Going through life with certainty is the life we as Christians should have the desire to experience, we'll walk in truth and LIGHT. The lyrics to "He Loves Us" by David Crowder ministers to my heart often, it says:
"He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,