The unbroken sounds of a grandfather clock have echoed in my soul for 10 months. I've fumbled with the where's, what's, and who's. Where am I to begin? What am I going to write? Who am I doing this for? It seemed like perfect sense to trust the one that planted this deep-rooted purpose in my life, to guide me through a circuitous maze straight into the horizon of ease. It's been almost a year since God affirmed for me that right here, right now, writing this to you is exactly where I should be. I hesitantly accepted because I experienced uncertainty and fear. I had questions for God:
"God, where do I begin? I have so much to say. God, who will read? This must be perfect, it is a reflection of ME. God, what am I going to write? You couldn't possibly expect me to share some of the most intimate details of my life, with people I don't know!"
God had answers:
"You begin, with ME. I have given you a life full of testimony that is evidence of your victorious life. Share my love with them. Don't worry yourself with who will read, focus on obedience, this is not a reflection of you, it is a reflection of ME. You will share the wisdom that I have given to you, your testimony is not your own it is to be used for my glory."
I worked my self tirelessly, and each time I thought I'd made progress my inner champion was countered with defeat. Something ordained by God shouldn't feel so empty, so what was it that I was missing? It was so unfortunate for me to lose my way on this journey in which I found certainty, once accepting that it was a virtue from God; but I was missing Him. I wasn't consulting, praying, meditating or studying His word for answers to my problems. I sought no guidance of spiritual substance. When we don't submit COMPLETELY to Christ, how easily do we forget that His assignments come with instructions? Trust. Encrypted. Instructions. They say "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6) It is as simple as it says, trust Him.
Once I began to seek God, the foundation of Church Girl Diaries was built brick by brick. Not by my own hands, but with His. I had help every step of the way. Every intricate detail from the design, photo shoots, and material to be released; he had His hands on it. I'm grateful that on the 280th day I am saying to God, "Here I am Lord, use me for your glory; I submit completely to you. I TRUST YOU WITH ALL OF ME." Trust and obedience are necessary tools in submitting to live a life most glorifying to God our Father. This will be a season of unveiling for me. I pray that each one of you will be blessed by it. I hope that through my life's journeys you will find truths that encourage you to seek the kingdom of God.